Amber Heard goes over paperwork throughout Johnny Depp's defamation case in opposition to her at Fairfax County Circuit Court docket, Virginia, April 12, 2022.
Brendan Smialowski/Pool by way of REUTERS
What are you most anxious about proper now?
The rocketing inflation that’s inflicting such monetary heartache for thousands and thousands of households throughout America?
The horrible battle in Ukraine that’s led to such devastating distress for the poor individuals being terrorized by genocidal monster Vladimir Putin?
The lethal coronavirus pandemic nonetheless fueling a lot loss of life and torment?
Or maybe you’re reeling in shock and concern from the horrifying assault on a Brooklyn subway?
There are such a lot of issues to be genuinely involved about in our turbulent world.
However backside of my checklist, even perhaps decrease than that, is the state of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s damaged marriage.
I can actually say that the variety of f–ks I give about this shamelessly deluded and self-obsessed pair of whiny wastrels might be written on the again of Mycoplasma genitalium, the planet’s smallest dwelling organism and, appropriately, a parasitic bacterium that lives in our waste disposal organs.
As Depp and Heard’s newest authorized battle kicks off in a Virginia court docket, we’re as soon as once more being pressured to endure disgustingly ugly particulars of how a lot they hate one another and the way horrendously they each behaved throughout a relationship that even by Hollywood requirements was spectacularly terrible.
Depp’s suing Heard for $50 million over a 2018 op-ed article she wrote within the Washington Publish describing herself as a “public determine representing home abuse.”
She, in flip, is suing him for $100 million for being a liar.
And already, after simply in the future in what’s anticipated to be — God assist us all — a three-week trial, their authorized groups have hurled gigantic portions of verbal excrement over the 2 protagonists.
After all, we’ve already been by way of all this with their first court docket battle in London, the place Depp misplaced a libel case in opposition to the Solar newspaper for calling him a wife-beater.
My predominant takeaway from that repellent orgy of relentlessly revolting mudslinging is that they’re mutually dreadful and needs to be prevented by future romantic suitors like a gazelle avoids a delight of ravenous lions.
The cost sheet of claims and counterclaims about their booze-sodden, drug-fueled fights featured partially severed fingers, “faked” or actual bruises, hair-dragging, “disco bloodbaths,” vodka bottles thrown like grenades, telephones being ripped off partitions, names written in blood on mirrors, canine dangled out of automotive home windows, tampon applicators used to snort cocaine, accusations of affairs and threesomes with billionaires and different stars, kicking on planes, and fixed foul-mouthed screaming at one another.
One evening, Depp had a livid argument with Heard at their LA dwelling after being advised $750 million had disappeared from his funds, and somebody — he says her, she says a canine — defecated on their mattress.
This charming vignette was arguably the low level of their s–tty little marriage — although near that have been humiliating images of a growling, drug-ravaged Depp slumped on the ground with ice cream dribbling between his legs.
I might go on, as a result of there was a lot extra, and we’re now going to listen to it regurgitated another time this month, however I simply can’t be bothered.
Why gasoline this pathetic duo’s self-indulgent, attention-seeking bulls–t?
Suffice it to say, by no means within the area of present enterprise marital battle was a lot abuse meted out by simply two.
Depp and Heard hate one another with a ardour that makes Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt appear to be an advert for loving concord.
On the coronary heart of this hatred lies one incontrovertible fact: They’re each supreme narcissists.
Actually.
The truth is, medically and scientifically.
The Mayo Clinic identifies narcissistic character dysfunction as a psychological situation through which individuals “have an inflated sense of their very own significance, a deep want for extreme consideration and admiration, troubled relationships, and an absence of empathy for others.”
Is there any higher or extra correct strategy to describe Johnny Depp and Amber Heard?
Two Grand Canyon-size egos, used to getting their approach, seemingly devoid of a single second’s caring thought for his or her partner, and united solely by a penchant for abuse — psychological and bodily.
Now they’re each enjoying the sufferer at a time when there are thousands and thousands of actual victims affected by battle, a killer virus, and crippling rises in the price of dwelling.
They need us to succeed in into our hearts and really feel sorry for 2 stinking wealthy, breathtakingly spoiled actors when moms and infants are being bombed in maternity hospitals, refugees are being murdered by Russian rockets intentionally fired at them, and Holocaust survivors are being incinerated of their properties.
They need us to pity them because the US loss of life toll from COVID-19 approaches 1 million individuals, as strains at American meals banks attain document ranges, and as New Yorkers are being attacked on their commute by deranged lunatics with weapons and smoke grenades.
Effectively, forgive me if I decline that invitation.
I can’t consider anybody much less deserving of my sympathy than this ugly twosome trapped in their very own pathetically delusional, horribly egocentric, toddler-tantrum world.
“I really feel so sorry for Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.”
Mentioned completely no one.
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