Probably the most validating information of the yr has arrived: The eleventh season of FX’s “American Horror Story” will reportedly be known as “New York Metropolis.”
Good! Each New Yorker with a mind is aware of that is the best setting for a terrifying TV present in the present day. That’s as a result of we not reside within the glittering, enviable metropolis of “Intercourse and the Metropolis” and “The Satan Wears Prada.”
These salad days are over. Now we pay a flippin’ fortune to be caught inside a dingy remake of “Loss of life Want” that’s really far freakier than many of the camp antics “AHS” creator Ryan Murphy has ever dreamt up.
Jessica Lange as a psychological affected person singing “The Title Recreation”; Kathy Bates chewing surroundings because the severed head of a New Orleans witch; Sarah Paulson shrieking on election evening 2016 as she watches the information — cute, enjoyable, foolish.
In comparison with earlier seasons “Asylum” and “Coven,” New York is a hellhole — 5 boroughs within the 9 circles the place main crime has soared by 36% and one rotting onion prices $2 whereas an ever-present haze of pot smoke hovers like graveyard fog on “Scooby Doo.” Our metropolis is awash in precise, palpable dread and vacationers are afraid to come back right here. We must always change the well-known lyric to “Begin spreading the mace!”
Certainly, there’s sufficient materials in our foul metropolis for a complete “AHS” spinoff collection.
Random subway shovings have grow to be so frequent that town is planning to put in plastic dividers on some platforms, and the uptick in underground incidents has spurred Gov. Hochul to have the MTA add safety cameras on each practice automobile that can inevitably by no means work. Residents and do-nothing pols shrug at unhinged wackos who shout offensive gobbledygook at girls and children and threaten passersby in each borough.
The opposite day on First Avenue close to Momofuku Noodle Bar, I watched as a crazed man stormed by 5 blocks, knocking over rubbish cans whereas yelling obscenities. That loon could be performed by Zachary Quinto on “AHS: NYC”!
So commonplace are shootings all of a sudden that we not discuss in regards to the man who unloaded a handgun on an N practice in the midst of the afternoon this spring and shot 10 folks, wounding 29. That might make a incredible episode. So would the disgusting creep who smeared feces on a girl’s face at a Bronx practice station after which — da da dunnnn! — was launched with out bail. Yuck, proper? See, 2022 New York is simply too graphic for fundamental cable.
Sandra Bernhardt is claimed to have been solid within the new season. Will she play a maniacal Gov. Kathy Hochul, an unelected official who champions releasing harmful criminals onto our streets whereas saying it’s good for us like we’re in “The Purge”?
Patti LuPone can be within the ensemble. She will play a Broadway actress who loudly insists that lack of masks use in theaters is the gravest menace that Instances Sq. is going through in the present day — somewhat than an Asian lady being randomly slashed blocks from the theater this summer time.
I believe Denis O’Hare can be terrific as an amalgam New York Instances columnist who tells readers that town’s apparent rise in crime is barely our “notion” — with the sadistic calm of the physician in “Rosemary’s Child” — from his stunning residence in Greenwich, CT.
And I’d be honored if Evan Peters took on the position of me screaming when my hire was jacked up by $900. That grotesque scene will win him an Emmy.
The probabilities for “American Horror Story: New York Metropolis” are countless. So depressingly countless.
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